Sunday, August 21, 2011

great sundays gone

This has becoming a concern for me. Weekly, there would always be a trial, and they always crop up every Sabbath day. So I ask: Will I face every Sunday with agitation?

As of writing, I just had my breakfast and a couple of rants to my mom. Patches of rashes have appeared once again. For someone who has been nearly dead sick on the bed for at least a month because of different gradations of rashes, this is frustrating. Very. Frustrating.

Of course my mom, my ever optimistic mom, just told me that it may be because my body is still adapting to the medicine, to Efavirenz, I guess. That's a sure long time of adaptation there. The continual rashes had me an inkling that I just might be a weakling. Why can't my system just take the medicines? My body doesn't have a choice anyway.

During the first two waves of rashes, the highlight, if not the advent, fell on Sundays. The first set of rash struck me at the Achilles' heel on a Sunday, July 31. That was the emergency check-up I had at PGH. My doctor who would just usually do her rounds at the hospital willingly opened the SAGIP clinic for me.

The second wave happened on a Sunday too, August 7. Blisters of red appeared on my arm and quickly spread throughout my body in the evening. The following day, I made my appearance again at the clinic.

(SEGUE: When choosing an HIV treatment hub, in my opinion, it has to be the most proximate to your home, so that whenever emergency have to force you to go to your doctor, it's just a drive away. Because between life and death, will you still opt for comfort?)

Or is it because of the chicken I ate yesterday? My doctor advised me to stay away from chicken and fish (GRAMMAR NOTE: "Fishes" although it exists as a word, stay away from it. "Fish" is already plural.) during one of the follow-ups. I had to slightly argue with my doctor as to why would I refrain from eating them when in fact I have no known allergies for both. Well, truth be told, when the second wave of rash subsided and eventually disappeared, I started eating chicken and fish once again. I was tooth and nail to prove that I don't have the allergies for them. And so, I once ordered chicken at Chicken Company and ate galunggong for the past few days. Continuous pork and beef could murder my taste buds. It's going to be a surfeit to the palate. Besides, my family can't just have pork and beef because I cannot have the two other meats. Kumpara din sa manok at isda, mahal mag-baboy at baka araw-araw, lest my family members would feast on a chicken afritada while I'm stuck with a corned beef or luncheon meat for days. Boo.

So here I am again, committing myself to the anti-histamines. Ever aware of the positions of the clock's hands once again as time would dictate when to take them. Ever hoping for their venerable effects to someone riddled with rashes like me, hoping too that my body wouldn't be immune to them.

But in all fairness, now's rash is very much tolerable than the once before. I had only a few patches here and there, especially on the inside part of my arms. On my wrist to be more precise. And surprisingly, on the joints in my hands. I don't think the rashes today are still alarming. I still didn't inform my doctor. I hope I don't have to inform her either. I wish this will be gone in no time.

Should I inform my doctor, I hope she wouldn't change Efavirenz. I've grown with it. I like it more than Nevirapine, which is sent from hell. With EFV, I just have to drink it once a day. And that's before sleep. The headaches and the vivid dreams, I've outpaced them. I hope these rashes aren't EFV-induced. Or if they are, I wish they are just passing by. Simply passing by. Not wanting to return anymore when they're gone.

It's Sunday once again and here I am scratching myself once more. When will this stop? The pattern regarding the appearance of these red eruptions is becoming more apparent to me, and it is threatening. Now I ask: "Why can't I just have like others, a one-time, big-time rash fest? Why didn't it just arrive full force and be gone the moment it healed? Why would my version be on an installment? Did I order for a series? I clearly don't recall." Frustrating, isn't it?

The week's opener couldn't go on like this for a very long time. It has to stop. My body has to adjust. I have mentally and spiritually (emotionally, I am getting there. Trust me.) moved on from the bludgeoning of a club that is HIV, and I have accepted that. All I wish is my body to cooperate. I. Need. To. Bounce. Back. I have to.

Lord, if You're reading this insane blog from the heavens, please, I do pray that this is the final act of this already month-long drama. Let this be the penultimate before I exit stage left, before the red velvet drapes descend. Let this be the foreshadow of the end. This can't go on for long, Lord.

Sundays used to be great. It used to be when I don't mind anything. My mind settles to a restive peace and my body relaxes. Now, it has the potential to scare me, turning to what could be a floodgate to a more horrifying days ahead. I hope for this to end. Let the Sundays that have been be merely coincidental.

1 comment:

  1. Just hold on Flicker. I am having minor acid reflux again. You are not alone. Let's keep praying. Better day is coming.